Another Driver Enters the Highway

Yesterday was mixed with pride and somewhat reserved reluctance as I took my youngest son to the local DMV to get his learners permit. This in and of itself is a far stretch from the old me who told his oldest son a short seven years ago that it would be a cold day in hell before I was paying for drivers ED, let alone the astronomical costs of the insurance hike that a teen boy would bring to the policy. You parents out there who have put a teen in a car know exactly what I am talking about.

I did the math when my oldest was in high school and it was looking like a total increase of more than $1500.00 year. Yikes! just so my kid could hit the road. Not a chance. I told the young lad that if he really wanted to drive, that he would find a way to make it work. Needless to say he just really never pushed the issue. His mother blames me for him not having his license today at age 22, but if you ask him he really doesn't care. Quite frankly I don't think I do either. He has made a decision not to become a licensed driver until he can afford a car and insurance. Sounds like a solid plan to me. I will save my older son's departure from reality for a later post.

Anyway, son number two turns 16 four years later and old dad has mellowed just a bit. Now I'm not as concerned with hell freezing over as I am with my own comfort or discomfort level. Let me explain. I have spent the last six years being a chauffeur to my boys, ferrying them back and fourth to this event or that and I was just worn down. So with a less than accepting attitude, I paid for son number two to get his license and even sprung for the insurance. Did I mention I also bought a 3rd car.

What a blessing it turned out to be. I mean yeah  it was quite a bit of money at first, but I started thinking about it. I now had another licensed driver in the house that could assume the role of head chauffeur. He could not only ferry his own ass to school and back but he could now take his younger brother as well. It was great, I could come and go as I pleased without worrying about somebody needing to be picked up. I sent this kid everywhere that I didn't want to go, and like any teen who just got their license will attest he was more than willing to get behind the wheel and drive.

Two years passed and to my joy and total amazement, my son had turned into a great driver. I did not worry about him in the least behind the wheel. Everyone else, most definitely yes but my son no. The day came when my chauffeur son left for college and I had to assume the role of head chauffeur one more time. My youngest was a year away from a license and it was back to being a ferry for every little thing.

However, today is another day. My baby boy (well not so baby) joins the ranks of the elite. We went to the DMV and procured a permit so that he can take his drivers ED class. I can honestly say that the third child is the easiest. I no longer have any reservation about cost or time spent.  My only fear is that I will now have even less time to spend with my child. Being the last one in the house has made him feel very special and I don't want him to lose that feeling. In four short months God, and the DMV willing my youngest will have his license.

Now I know some of you will never have to deal with the pain that is associated with launching another driver onto the highway. However if you do I offer this one piece of advice:
Always look at the bigger picture to find the greater good, because the greater good is always in the picture.

Photo courtesy of: www.flickr.com/photos/insurance_funny_haha_lol/4852133780/

My Skinny Jeans

What is it about gaining weight that prompts us to retire our old cloths to the bottom drawer of the dresser. My denial lead to hope that some day I would return to the glory days of wearing (my skinny jeans) size 30 pants and medium shirts. Hell, I cant remember the last time I was able to fit into anything smaller than a size 38 and even that was years ago. I still have those 38 specials tucked away in the dresser for that rainy day when my ass and fashion catch back up with each other.

Who are we kidding, half the stuff that we tuck away and store in bins on high shelves wasn't that fashionable when we bought it. I mean really, we bought most of that crap on our way up the weight gain scale because it fit better than the tight shit we were wearing before. I really had no sense of fashion only comfort. I was looking through the retirement section just the other day and came across a pair of sweat pants that were two sizes too small. I thought to myself, "really, your holding on to sweat pants in hopes of fitting back into them later, how freakin pathetic is that"? Yeah I promptly tossed them.

Then I started taking a hard look at all the stuff that was currently taking up space and not paying the rent. I had several pairs of pants, shirts, and sweaters that I bought during one of my more recent yo-yo phases.  I had lost about 55 pounds and was feeling so good about myself that I went out and bought a new wardrobe as a treat. What I failed to acknowledge is the season change that was coming in the following months.

Like a giddy schoolgirl with a crush on Justin Beeber, I proceeded wide-eyed and into the seasonal BOGO sales and came home arms loaded with new winter fashions. I even bought new shoes to match. I actually intended on wearing each outfit more than once. Problem was we had an unusually warm spring that year and so there they sat, in the closet on hangers waiting for the right day to be worn. But like the guy who didn't get asked to TOLO they stayed home, hoping for a chance to be worn the next year. However, it was not to be. Yep, you guessed it I packed that 55 pounds back on before the next winter with a few extra for good measure.

Frustrated beyond comprehension, I went on a cleaning spree. If it did not fit me right now it no longer had a room at the inn. I was through playing the storage game. I gave every bit of it to charity with the exception of socks, and underwear cause that would just be creepy, right?

Now I know some of you are saying wait just a minute Fat Guy, that is just a waste of money. Some of that stuff has only been worn once. I say to you "yep, your right".  Somebody will hopefully get a great deal on some like new clothing and I will have done my part to make even the worst of fashion accessible to the less fortunate masses.

So if your hanging on to those lost cloths memories in hopes of rekindling the relationship later, just remember this thought:

"If you love those clothes, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were".
(Author, Richard Bach) Loosely adapted

Oh, BTW that picture is not of me. I would never dare! Photo courtesy of http://live.drjays.com/index.php/2010/10/18/the-dos-and-donts-of-mens-skinny-jeans/

How Did My Feet Get Bigger? Off with the Dingys, On with the Tuna Boats

What is it about being fat that make your body go through the stupidest changes? About five years ago when I really started packing on the weight, I notices that my shoes were not fitting comfortably anymore. So like any sane person who has added some girth to the old frame would do, I promptly blamed it on the clearly shrunken and poorly manufactured shoes.

My astute and logical explanation for this anomaly led me to the conclusion that I needed to go to the shoe store and find a better shoe in my size. So off I went in my poorly fitting size 10 1/2 (D) shoes. I arrived at the local outlet store and began my search for the perfect fitting shoe. I was approached by a sales associate who asked me if she could help measure my foot and find something in my size. I quickly answered stating " No, I know my size very well, it has been a 10 1/2 (D) my entire adult life". So she scurried off to help someone else and left me to my search.

I was able to find two pairs of shoes that I really liked and asked another associate if he could check to see if they had the shoes I had picked in a 10 1/2 (D). He said he would check in the back and left me to continue browsing. When he returned he informed me that he did not have these in a 10 1/2 (D) only 11 and 12. He then stated that I should try on the 11's and see how they feel, that maybe extra room would not be noticeable. Well, I am an easy going guy so I said "sure, what can it hurt" so he went to retrieve the 11's.

When he returned and unboxed these tuna boats I was saying to myself, "there is no way that these are going to fit, they are way too freakin big", but I sat down anyway and tried one on. To my shock and surprise, these things not only did not fit, they were too small as well. How could this be? I mean I am 47 years old,  how did my feet get bigger? The associate looked at me like I was an idiot who did not even know what size shoes I wore.

Then he said something that I really did not want to hear, "maybe we need to go up a size and see if that works". I was thinking who is this "WE" of which he speaks, and the only thing that needs to go up is my foot, up your ass for even thinking I would fit into a 12. But I said "no, I don't think a 12 is going to fit".  So he asks "what part of the size 11 did not feel right"? I was thinking none of it felt right you schmuck, it was like putting on jeans when your ass and legs are still wet. You know, they are supposed to fit but you struggle to pull them up higher than your thighs. Anyway I told him they were tight all around so I was not sure where the fit was worse.

He gave me a strange look and said he would be right back. When he returned, he had two pairs of shoes that looked just like the ones that I had just failed to fit into. He handed me the first shoe and said try this one on. Not wanting to argue, I slipped my foot into the shoe. It was like night and day. The shoe fit comfortably without any tightness at all. I told the associate that it fit and asked what he had done. He stated that my problem was not only length but width as well. So he pulled a size 12 (4E) just to see if that solved the problem. I was elated and sad at the same time. Elated that I had found a shoe that looked good and fit great, and sad that I had gained weight in my feet as well as my ass.

What I found out later from a podiatrist was that when the body gets heavier by as little as 20 lbs, the foot compensates by spreading out. On occasion the arches of the feet can even fall from the excess weight. This is what happened to some extent with my feet. They have flattened out and are now longer and wider than before. I now have to wear arch supports when I exercise or go on long walks. My feet are constantly in pain but the shoes now fit.

So if your Dingy will no longer hold all the fishing gear, you may want test drive a Tuna Boat for the sake of the fishing trip : )

Photo courtesy of: http://www.dogs.info/funny-dog-photos/relaxing-with-giant-clown-feet/

Cholesterol Plaques

Did you ever see someone who had an odd looking buildup around their eyes. Almost as if pockets of fat deposits made their way up under the skin. Well that is exactly what I have. It all started about 7 years ago when I retired from the military. I stopped exercising and began gaining unhealthy weight almost immediately. I started noticing these small discolorations around my eyes. Nothing major mind you just small light colored areas. Within a year my right eyelid had amassed a spot in the corner that was the size of an eraser. I went to the dermatologist and asked what it was and was told that it was a cholesterol plaque and that I should have my cholesterol checked.

The next day I did just that and was surprised to find that  my bad cholesterol was only a point or two out of the normal range, but my good cholesterol was in the tank. This imbalance in my numbers caused the plaques around my eyes. Yes I said around my eyes. Since the arrival of the first spot, I now have one above and below each eye. I tried to have one removed and it only came back about 6 months later.

These fatty deposits can also be found on the eyelids. This type of deposit is referred to as Xanthelasmas.  Xanthelasma and corneal arcus are two signs of elevated blood cholesterol that may be evident on the eye or eyelids. Xanthelasma palpebrarum is the yellow plaque of cholesterol evident on the eyelids or periorbital area. It tends to occur in the medial aspects of the eye – that is the area closer to the inner canthus or towards the nose. It is also more common on the upper eyelid although it may occur on both sides and on both upper and lower eyelids simultaneously. These plaques, often described as lumps, are soft or semi-solid. It may become a bit harder in prolonged cases.

Attempts to remove a deposit within the home environment should never be considered. Scarring and infection are some of the consequences of removal at the hands of an untrained person. There are a number of medical procedures for the removal of xanthelasma including :

• surgical excision
• laser coblation
• chemical cauterization
• electrodesiccation and cryotherapy (“freezing”)

Look if it were up to me I would be in perfect health and free of any defects. But I chose to get fat and let my body go to shit. So be honest with yourself and go see a professional before it's too late. It could mean the difference between ugly eyelids or worse blindness and not having to deal with it at all.

As a side note, I did say I had one removed and it came back (with a vengeance I might add). If your wondering, I opted for an eye surgeon to do a surgical excision. It was painless and looked great for a while. Just make sure that you go to a professional who has dealt with this particular type of health issue before. I don't take my TV to the auto mechanic for repair.... Just sayin.

Photo (not me) courtesy of: http://www.emedmag.com/html/pre/dia/dia/040090043.asp#bot

02/26/2023 Update.

Overview: In 2020 right before COVID really kicked into gear, I scheduled a consult with a local dermatologist to see what the process and procedure would be like to have my plaques removed from both of my eyelids.  After a very short visit, I was told that the procedure would take about an hour and would only be a bit painful (like scratching) in the affected area.  The cost would be $300 dollars per eye and recovery was about 3 weeks for the scar tissue to start clearing up. I jumped on the chance to finally get rid of these mounds that had formed around both eyes. Before I tell you how it all went, I wanted to explain a few details that may help the next person with similar issues.

Background: Plaque started appearing over my right eye in 2005 after I retired.  I was told that my good cholesterol had really low numbers and that was probably the cause. By 2008 I had significant growths over both eyes near the tear ducts.  I lived with these issues for quite some time and just ignored the problem. In 2011, I created this blog to help other understand what cholesterol plaques were and list some removal options.  In 2019 I was able to loose 80 lbs. through diet and exercise. I hadn't been this low in weight for years.  I started really looking at myself in the mirror again.  That is when I decided that I wanted to go through with a removal procedure to go with my weight loss. 

Surgery: Fast forward to 2020. I opted for electrodesiccation (an outpatient same-day procedure).  I say I opted, really I didn't get a choice. The dermatologist did not support any of the other options.  She did say that she had performed this procedure many times and I had nothing to worry about. The surgery itself didn't seem like it took that long. I went in and was seated in a reclining medical-type chair. I was then given two small injections, one over each eye to numb the area that would be removed. I will say after reflection, that I should have received one shot, then the procedure for the first eye, followed by a second shot for the second eye procedure.  I say this because by the time the first eye was finished the medication had worn off and the electrical current to the second eyelid was quite painful. Fortunately, as it was quickly realized it was also quickly remedied. Anyway 1 hour and 20 minutes later it was done. As the medication wore off it felt like when you get a really bad sun burn or scratched by a dog. I had some bleeding during the procedure that was cauterized. I left the clinic with pain medication and gel over both surgical areas.

Recovery: It took about 4 weeks to start to see what the post-procedure would really look like as the redness and swelling subsided. I must say that it is important to keep applying the gel on a regular basis to help the healing and prevent scaring.  It really only took 3 days or so for the pain to go away completely. I did have some bleeding at home that  worried me but it was short lived. All in all, not too bad.

Today: Fast forward to 2023. I wish that I could tell you that it looks perfect and that there is no evidence of me ever having the procedure. That however would not be the truth. I am reminded daily as I look closely in the mirror at my eyelids.  There is scaring from the large areas that were removed. It took a year for the discoloration to mostly go away as the new skin looked totally different from the surrounding areas. When my eyes are open, the scars barely show and look more like natural folds in the lids. When I close my eyes it is quite noticeable. Would I do it again? Yes, in a minute. I might try a different procedure but I would still do it. I can't express how much of an improvement in my self esteem it has made.  Before, I thought everyone was staring (not really, but you know that feeling) at the lumps on my eyelids. Now folks just look at all the post COVID weight I gained and say damn that guy got fat. Oh well, C'est la vie...  Side note, after reading this post back to myself I decided to start a dieting again today...